Dear Dr. Norquist:
I’m feeling deeply hurt and let down by a trusted friend. She had been a loyal and supportive and consistent friend to me during a difficult time in my life. Recently, I found out that she has been lying to me and even taking some of my belongings behind my back. I feel so deeply hurt. I can’t seem to get rid of these painful feelings. How can I get rid of these hurt feelings? I don’t want to feel hurt anymore, and I’m afraid I will have trouble trusting people again after being so hurt.
Dr. Norquist responds:
What heals a hurt heart? It is love that is the healer, and compassion and gratitude that help us to be open to feeling love again. Watch your mental habits. If you focus on ways the other has done you wrong, the appropriate angry and victimized emotions will follow. If you try to put yourself in the others’ shoes, and understand emotionally why they did what they did, you open your heart for the experience of compassion. In tending to your heart, focus on the best that can come of this situation, and wish well for others.
Focus your heart on safe, positive places – a child’s smile, laughter, soaking in the sunlight, listening to the spring birds. Fill your heart with gratitude for a body that works, the ability to breathe deeply, for those who love you, the chance to grow, for a good nights rest, for the ability to see beauty in the world, to enjoy music, and to feel love and appreciation for others. Take a lesson from the blades of grass pushing up in the spring. They have the will to keep going despite burdens. They grow around rocks, through cracks, and reach for the light in order to blossom into their beauty and express their joy.
Let your feelings, whatever they are, run through you, and then let them go. There is an end to aching. It will pass. You must take care of yourself by finding ways to re-open your heart, so that you can feel connected with life again in a nourishing way. Let time heal your hurts, while you focus on the gentle, often unnoticed sparks of joy in the world.
