Dear Dr. Norquist:
I have a problem. I’m angry at an ex-friend and I can’t seem to let it go.
She has been inconsiderate and rejecting of me – disregarding our friendship when it is convenient for her to do so. This has been very painful for me. I have trouble understanding why someone would treat a friend that way. She will not even say hi to me if certain other people are around! I’ve given up on the friendship. The problem is I am obsessed with my anger at her. I lie in bed at night thinking bout how mean she has been to me. It affects my mood more than I’d like to admit. What can I do to let go of my hurt and anger?
Dr. Norquist responds:
When we obsess on someone who has done us wrong or who we are angry at, we lose a part of our spirit. It’s like we leave a part of our spirit in the past by continuing to focus our thoughts and emotions there. When our energy is invested elsewhere – through repetitive thoughts and feelings, it can also affect our health adversely. A continuous focus on your anger at your ex-friend keeps you linked to her. Even if you don’t see her anymore, energetically, the relationship is still alive – albeit in a way that drags you down. Thoughts are powerful. They trigger feelings and determine the quality of our experience of our lives. Recently, some theorists have labeled habitual thoughts as “thought forms.” These thought forms manifest as clouds of energy that we carry around us and that can start to take on a life of their own. It sounds like you have been thinking negative thoughts that feed the “thought form” of your anger and hurt with regard to your ex-friend. When you find yourself doing this, immediately stop, and consciously change your thinking pattern. This will help to diminish the power and energy you invest in this “thought form.”
Try to understand from within your ex-friend’s way of perceiving the world why she would treat you as she has. This helps you to move towards feeling compassion towards her for her actions. You may not agree with her values, but if you can understand it from her perspective, it will be easier for you to forgive her.
Another exercise to aid forgiveness is to visualize your heart as open and glowing with light and love and warmth and then see yourself sending this light and love to your ex-friend’s heart. If you do this exercise daily, with sincerity, within a short time, you will be feeling much better about yourself and your former relationships. In forgiveness, you can call back that part of your spirit that you have left with her. Forgiveness will release your energetic links with her and allow you to have lighter moods and a peaceful night’s rest once more.
